January has a particular tone, like the hum of a kitchen at 6am, when you’re half-awake, and your brain is already trying to run the month before you’ve even had a cuppa. It’s dark, unforgivingly cold, and can bring you to your knees if you’re not watching closely.

I can’t really explain what happened this year when the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve, but there was a definite shift. Ordinarily, my brain would jump to start January in a positive way, but this year it did something different. It went silent. In fact, my whole body did. It felt like I had mentally, physically and emotionally given myself permission to stop. And I did.

I stopped riding the new year wave from the outside world. I stopped trying to prove motivation by filling my diary. I even stopped the relentless inner bullying to work harder, be better and show up more.

Stopping feels weird.

A new method

Every year I try to pick a new way to approach things. Last year it was with a word. I chose ‘liberation’, and all I will say to that is, be careful what you wish for. This year I decided to pick a tarot card at the beginning of each month, as a way to give myself a focus.

I’m using a beautiful tarot deck that was gifted to me by designer Christopher David, who lovingly designed and hand printed each deck. A friend of mine once told me this was what she did with her tarot deck, so I thought I would give it a go and see what happened.

My intention is not to have mystical predictions. It’s to enable self inquiry and reflection. Each month I will start with the card’s traditional meaning, and then sit with it and ask myself questions about where this is showing up in my life and work right now, using it as a prompt to look at what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Let’s face it, most of us are drowning in external thoughts and opinions of others, and starving ourselves of our own inner wisdom. Taking some time to ponder what I think and feel has, so far, been more insightful than anything I’ve tried in a long time.

January's card: The Hermit

The traditional meaning of this card is solitude, introspection, and inner guidance.

To me, The Hermit doesn’t feel like hiding away from the world. It feels like putting a stop to outsourcing the things I should be finding out for myself.

It feels like a quiet refusal. A decision to step back and set the pace of my own nervous system. As a somatic coach I am the first to say that the body will tell you the truth long before your brain. It feels like the grown up part of my intuition. Steady and grounded.

The truth is, sometimes we’re all afraid of what might happen when we block out the noise. What we’ll hear in the quiet, and it takes courage to do that. To stop reaching for your phone any time you feel something. To stop filling the gaps with more social media or whatsapp messages. To stop over giving as a way to feel worthy of being in the world.

The Hermit is an invitation to be alone on purpose and with the purpose to listen.

January has been about softly choosing truth over momentum.

If you’re looking for some help navigating where life is taking you, book a free 20-minute discovery call with me and we’ll have a chat about how I can help.

Email me at hello@carolanneward.com or DM me on Instagram carol-anne__ward.